Kids. Gotta love 'em. Apart from teaching you about the obvious and ultimately inevitable things which happen once you enter The Parent Hood (such as "you are able to cope on much less sleep than you ever imagined possible" and "who likes to sit down for 5 minutes and enjoy a hot cup of coffee, anyway?), kids will also teach you many other lessons that will stick with you for life. That's if you allow them to, of course.
Because kids aren't born with bad intentions, hidden agendas and ulterior motives, we truly can look at them for examples on how to become better parents, and simply put, better human beings. They are brutally honest, frighteningly frank and non-biased. They are emotional, innocent and in touch with who they are. Their hearts are pure.
Although I've only been a parent for just over 3 years, I know that I will never be the same person I used to be. It's impossible. Eli and Tori have both taught me things that I hope to apply more and more in my own life.
Here are just a few examples of what they've shown me in their own, unique ways:
1. If the cake sucks, just eat the icing.
I've lost count at the amount of times that Eli has taken a cupcake or a slice of cake at a birthday party, and proceeded to simply lick off all the icing and discard the cake. I've given up on trying to change this about him, because quite frankly, life is too short to suffer through dry cake. Sometimes it's ok to just take the good, and leave the bad. It's ok to be picky. But only sometimes, not all the time.
2. Even if you don't know the song, you must sing and dance.
Tori discovered her vocal cords very early on in life. Not just for shouting, but also for "singing" and "humming". I'd sing a long note, and she'd sing with me. The kettle would boil, Tori would "sing" with it. We'll pat her on the back when putting her to sleep, and she'll "sing".
Then a few months ago, she discovered that she could dance! It's so delightful to watch as she bobs along to any music, with a huge grin on her face. She doesn't need to know the song to sing it, dance to it or be happy about it. All she knows, is that she wants to do it.
This is proof that there is always a reason to be happy - just listen out for the music. Improvisation is key. Fake it until you make it. And yes, somebody is probably going to look at you while you are busy doing it, but who cares.
3. It's perfectly alright to cry every day.
Ok, maybe not every day if you're a grownup, but it's certainly allowed every now and again. Most of us have been brought up in societies which advocate philosophies like, "cowboys don't cry" or "put your big girl panties on"...but sometimes, nothing but a good old fashioned crying session will do the trick. I've seen it with both my kids - they cry when they are tired, hungry, sad, frustrated, when they get hurt or when they need attention. And then they feel better. As adults we have coping mechanisms which enable us to deal with our emotions in a better way, but if you must cry, cry. The point is, feel what you must feel. Don't be apologetic about it. And then move on.
4. Don't trust strangers.
It's a fact that not everyone you meet in life has your best interests at heart. Both my kids have clung to me like little monkeys, hidden behind me or looked at me with "help me, mom" eyes when strangers have come to coochi-coo them. And I've always encouraged them to acknowledge their feelings - it's ok to feel awkward around strangers.
We are all born with that little voice inside of us - that gut instinct or sixth sense - but we often ignore it. I'm not saying that we should lead suspicious lives, but we do need to trust ourselves and our instincts more. If you don't like somebody, or if they make you feel uncomfortable, it's usually for a reason.
5. It's all about me.
I think we would all agree that being selfish is not a good characteristic - whether you are an adult or a child. But children come into this world with a whole list of wants and needs that nobody but their parents can fulfil. It actually starts when they are still in the womb - they take and take and take some more. It's all about me. It's mine. Meh.
Too bad if you want to watch something on TV, they've already got their hearts set on watching what they want to watch (for the hundredth time...today). Too bad if you want to go somewhere else for dinner, "Spur People" is their favourite place in the whole wide world. Too bad if you want to sleep, they need to build a tent right now and they need your help. No actually, you're in the way.
But you know what, I've come to realise that it's perfectly normal and ok to be selfish once in while. To know exactly what you want in life, and to go for it wholeheartedly - pulling out all the stops as you charge along.
And if it doesn't work out, cry.
And then...share.
6. Make every day a special occasion
Life is life. I often feel bombarded by to-do lists, shopping lists, don't-forget lists and a multitude of weekend plans. It is so easy to start living from weekend to weekend. We pray that Monday will be easy on us, Tuesdays generally suck more than Mondays, by Wednesday we are ready to punch someone, Thursday is technically Friday Eve and then FridaySaturdaySunday. Repeat the cycle.
But it doesn't have to be like that. With kids, every day is pretty much a special occasion - and even if it really isn't, they find beauty and immense pleasure in the mundane.
I remember one night not so long ago, when we decided to go to "Spur People". We didn't tell Eli until we got there and his reaction was priceless: he threw his hands in the air and shouted "Woohooooo!!!" like someone who just heard The Good News for the first time. And this was not because my cooking is terrible or because we had never gone to the Spur before. Eli's life was just made perfect in that moment. We should all learn to really enjoy and celebrate the big and the small moments in life.
7. Act as if you just won the lottery.
When I was a kid, my mom often used to say to me, "Money doesn't grow on my back" or "Do you think money grows on trees?" Only now that I am a parent myself, do I understand such rhetorical statements and questions.
Eli really does think that we have an endless supply of money. He doesn't know how we get it, or that earning money implies that we have had to work for it. In his mind, we simply go to the bank or swipe our cards at the cashier.
When we've told Eli "no" in the past when he's asked us to buy him a new toy or some sweets/books/whatever clever marketing strategy there is aimed at kids (and this happens daily, by the way), he has often (out of sheer desperation, I think) offered to pay for the said item himself. Once again, proving that kids have no concept of money and that they think we are all millionaires.
But this is not necessarily a bad thing. We should all live with the mentality that we are rich. That we have more than enough. That we are able to buy things, but that we actually choose not to. That the God we serve, owns the cattle on a thousand hills and that we have a very big inheritance.
How many of you have had to pay that R7 parking ticket with a R100 note? And then the machine kindly refunds you in R2 coins. Have you ever looked at the expression of a child when that happens? They look like they've just won the lottery.
We're all stinking rich...it's just a matter of perspective.
8. Thank you Jesus for the food, Idon'tknowtheotherwords, Aaaaamen.
We're a family who believes in God. We trust in Him, look towards Him and we thank Him daily for all that we've got. We've also been teaching Eli from a very young age to pray before He eats his food. It's so awesome to witness.
Of course, the hungrier he is, the less audible is Eli's prayer.
But he always prays.
Even though he is so young, and he might not fully understand the gravity and the fullness of prayer, he does it with all his heart.
We might not always know the right words to pray, but as long as we keep on doing it, God will hear us.
9. Saying "pleeeease" sadly won't get you everything you want.
I'll be the first to admit that we drilled manners into Eli until he grasped the concept of "please and thank you" 100%. To be honest, we're still at it, because manners and being polite are ongoing concepts.
Then Eli realised that when he says "please", he gets something in return. And then he thought if he said it enough times, he would get whatever he wants. He even told me yesterday, after I had told him "no" for that packet of crisps before dinner, "But I said please!"
So the lesson I've learnt from this, is that we should always have good manners. Regardless of what we're after, or what the outcome, manners manners manners.
Because it took your mom a lifetime to teach them to you.
10. It's ok to pretend.
Eli lives in a fantasy world, and I love taking glimpses of this crazy, beautiful world with him, although I know that I will never be able to see exactly what he does because of my "adult eyes".
He takes a bite of his chip, and he says, "Look mommy, it's a fish." And then two minutes later, "Look mommy, the shark is now eating the fish." If he doesn't know the name of a fictional character or one of his toys, he says, "Hmmm let's call him..." and then he makes something up. Eli's imagination knows no bounds, and this is a good thing.
Unfortunately, as adults, we tend to err more on the side of being realists. And this is purely because we have (most of us) experienced hardships in life. We've become a bit jaded and sceptical, but when we surround ourselves with kids, and try to see the world through their eyes, we realise once again how beautiful life really is.
And I'm sorry, but I don't care who you are - if a 3 year-old gives you a cup of tea that he has been "cooking", you better drink it.
And you better pretend that it's the most delicious tea that you've ever tasted.
It's good for the soul.
Loved this :)
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