“Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God.” – Psalm 22 verses 9 & 10.
Birth. Life. Death.
Oh how uncertain yet awe-inspiring the cycle. It is something which we all go through. Each and every one of us was conceived, knitted together in our mother’s womb. Fearfully and wonderfully made. And born.
Let me tell you, I had so many preconceived ideas about how Eli’s birth would play off.
I always had a picture in my mind of the “perfect birth”. I would go into labour in the middle of the night, and gently wake Adam up with the words, “Love, my waters have broken. I think it’s time to go to the hospital.” We would calmly gather the hospital bags, which I carefully packed weeks in advance. We would drive to the hospital and upon arrival, they would probably wheel me into the delivery room as I huffed and puffed…and pushed a baby out! Ha, yeah right.
How things played out in reality, is a different story altogether.
An OB/GYN with ulterior motives (Easter weekend…she wanted to go on holiday…Maybe I should have seen the signs, but in my defence, we paid her for her professional opinion and guidance). A “recommended” induction a few days before I was due anyway (“Doctor knows best,” I thought. Plus, she said my baby wasn't thriving anymore, as my placenta was rapidly deteriorating). A failed induction. An emergency Caesarean. A failed spinal block. General anaesthetic and a frantic husband in the hallway of a hospital. A first breath and a resounding cry. Eli.
I won’t bore you with all the details, but let’s just say that Eli’s birth was less than perfect. But he was and is. God had Eli in the palm of His hand since the moment He was born, and he was and is a healthy, clever, busy and amazing little boy. Ask anyone who knows him. What more could we really ask for?
And here I sit once again. Two years and three months down the line, with the impending birth of our daughter, Tori, on the horizon. According to my (new) OB/GYN’s calculations, she is due in 38 days.
I won’t lie…I’m grappling with my thoughts – how is this time going to turn out? I’m scared. I’m nervous. I’m excited to meet her. Surely this time is going to be different?
This time I’m not expecting perfect, because there is no such a thing. Just better. Quieter. Calmer. Different.
Tori, I can’t wait to meet you.
My girl, there are no guarantees in life. I can’t guarantee you the perfect birth, but I can guarantee you that God is in control and that He has already got your name written on the palm of His hand. I promise to relax in these last few weeks, and to allow you the necessary time to develop as long as you need to. Take your time, Princess, because we have an eternity together to look forward to.
We will see you soon.
Mommy, Daddy and Eli xxx
