Thursday 18 July 2013

Birth

“Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother’s womb you have been my God.” – Psalm 22 verses 9 & 10.

Birth. Life. Death.

Oh how uncertain yet awe-inspiring the cycle. It is something which we all go through. Each and every one of us was conceived, knitted together in our mother’s womb. Fearfully and wonderfully made. And born.

Let me tell you, I had so many preconceived ideas about how Eli’s birth would play off.

I always had a picture in my mind of the “perfect birth”. I would go into labour in the middle of the night, and gently wake Adam up with the words, “Love, my waters have broken. I think it’s time to go to the hospital.” We would calmly gather the hospital bags, which I carefully packed weeks in advance. We would drive to the hospital and upon arrival, they would probably wheel me into the delivery room as I huffed and puffed…and pushed a baby out! Ha, yeah right.

How things played out in reality, is a different story altogether.

An OB/GYN with ulterior motives (Easter weekend…she wanted to go on holiday…Maybe I should have seen the signs, but in my defence, we paid her for her professional opinion and guidance). A “recommended” induction a few days before I was due anyway (“Doctor knows best,” I thought. Plus, she said my baby wasn't thriving anymore, as my placenta was rapidly deteriorating). A failed induction. An emergency Caesarean. A failed spinal block. General anaesthetic and a frantic husband in the hallway of a hospital. A first breath and a resounding cry. Eli.

I won’t bore you with all the details, but let’s just say that Eli’s birth was less than perfect. But he was and is. God had Eli in the palm of His hand since the moment He was born, and he was and is a healthy, clever, busy and amazing little boy. Ask anyone who knows him. What more could we really ask for?

And here I sit once again. Two years and three months down the line, with the impending birth of our daughter, Tori, on the horizon. According to my (new) OB/GYN’s calculations, she is due in 38 days.

I won’t lie…I’m grappling with my thoughts – how is this time going to turn out? I’m scared. I’m nervous. I’m excited to meet her. Surely this time is going to be different?

This time I’m not expecting perfect, because there is no such a thing. Just better. Quieter. Calmer. Different.

Tori, I can’t wait to meet you.

My girl, there are no guarantees in life. I can’t guarantee you the perfect birth, but I can guarantee you that God is in control and that He has already got your name written on the palm of His hand. I promise to relax in these last few weeks, and to allow you the necessary time to develop as long as you need to. Take your time, Princess, because we have an eternity together to look forward to.

We will see you soon.

Mommy, Daddy and Eli xxx

PS: Eli can't wait to play with you. And probably bully you. But we know you're already feisty and strong.

Tuesday 2 July 2013

Let's Leave the Titles

Yes, I know we are different…
but we are more alike than you think.
Let me explain:

I’m a mom, and so are you.
I’m a wife, and so are you.
I’m a friend, and so are you.

I want the best for my family.
And I know you do too.

Because I am a mom, I learn new things every day.
Because I am a wife, I grow every day.
Because I am a friend, I am vulnerable every day.

Can you relate?

Because I am an imperfect mom, I spend time on my knees every day.
Because I am an imperfect wife, I need guidance every day.
Because I am an imperfect friend, I drink a cup of grace every day (no sugar, please).

Maybe you know what I’m talking about.

Yes, I know we are different…
but we are actually the same.
Let me explain:

Do we not breathe the same air?
Do we not touch the same textures?
Do we not get moved by the same symphonies?
Do we not climb the same mountains?
Do we not fear, dream, laugh, cry, scream and wish?

Yes, I think so, too.

When I look in the mirror, I see only who I am, and not who I could be.
I can only be who I am today, and maybe tomorrow I will be different.
But you need to love me for who I am today
because tomorrow is not a guarantee.

When you look in the mirror, you see only who you are, and not who you could be.
You can only be who you are today, and maybe tomorrow you will be different.
But I need to love you for who you are today
because tomorrow is not a guarantee.

And when we are face to face with each other,
try to see the good in me first, as I am painfully aware of the bad already.
Try to talk to me, and not at me.
Try to understand me, even though you might not agree with me.
Try to hear what I’m saying, and not what you think I’m saying.

And try to love me as if I am one of your own.




M xxx

Wednesday 27 February 2013

2012: Hate to see you go, LOVE to watch you leave

Yes, I know, this one is wayyyyyy overdue. Yes, I know that we are already on the 27th day of the second month of 2013. Yes, yes, yes…tut tut tut. I’m blogging now and that should be enough. Who makes the rules anyway? Thought so. Love you too.

Anyhow, I decided - a while back, granted - to write a blog about 2012. Sure it was a year that many of us are all to glad to be rid of, but let’s be honest: it was a good year. I never said a “perfect year”, but I’m willing to give credit where credit is due.

I got kicked in the teeth by 2012 on numerous occasions, dragged around by the hair a bit. Disillusioned. Discouraged. Disarmed. But you know what, I’m a firm believer that your attitude determines your altitude. Yes, only about 2% of the people I know in my life saw the “behind the scenes” footage of what was really going on in my life when the going got rough, how I dealt with things when the single rug got pulled from underneath me. And it wasn’t always pretty. But that’s life. We kick, we scream, we throw a tantrum or two, we rage against God, we question things, we cry. And then we put our big girl panties on and make it work for us, because you know what, what lies on the flip side of the coin is not even an option for me. Giving up has never been an option.

So here I am in 2013, feeling rather bright-eyed and bushy tailed. If 2012 had been so terrible, I can promise you that I would not be feeling this way. In fact, I would not be writing this blog right now. But I can, in all honesty say that 2012 has taught me great lessons, values and it has showed me a depth that I have never experienced before. It has given me strength which I look forward to strengthening even further in the coming years. It taught me that I can be my own, greatest friend…or my own worst enemy – the choice is all mine. I will always think of 2012 as the year “I overcame myself” and to be honest, that was no small feat. So without any further ado, here’s my 2012 in retrospect.

2012: The year I turned 26

Ok, let’s be honest here – there ain’t nothing special about turning 26. In fact, the 5 years leading up to the big THREE OH are nothing spectacular. But you know what? I celebrate every birthday with gumption. I love making a semi-big deal about every birthday. It’s a milestone, a celebration and another year that I was granted the absolute privilege of being alive on this earth.

2012: The year we went to Europe

This section actually deserves a dedicated blog on its own, but to sum my first ever European experience up in two words: mind blown. First of all, April 2012 was the first time I ever went overseas. I didn’t know what to expect, other than what I’ve seen in pictures and what other people have told me. And Europe – especially the places where we went in France, Switzerland and Germany – surpassed all my greatest expectations. I have never been the same on the inside ever since.

But by far the highlight of my vacation, and the reason we went to Germany in the first place, was meeting Adam’s dad, his wife Esther, and their four kids Jason, Emily, Joseph and Louann for the first time. It was truly special and the love I developed for family members I didn’t even knew existed B.A. (Before Adam) is really something. And to stay with a group of people and become a part of their household for four weeks, you really get to know them on a personal level. I miss them more than I can describe.

If I were to single out one experience that has really stuck with me, it has to be the day we went to Colmar, France. You see, before I visited France for the first time, I had many preconceived ideas about the country, and I can gladly say that I was right about most of them.

It was Easter weekend and quite cold, but the sun was shining bravely. There was a beautiful French market happening, which was the main attraction of the weekend (imagine…handmade nougat, patisseries selling the most scrumptious treats, 100s of cheeses on display, friendly faces all around and you’re hardly able to understand a word anybody is saying, but you don’t care because whatever they’re saying sounds beautiful). A band was playing romantic music. A couple was actually dancing cheek to cheek on the cobblestone street. Little French children eating croissants for breakfast. And me, sitting in the sun, eating delicious French/German food and smiling like I just won the lottery. That’s France, and my recollection of it. I can’t wait to go back.


2012: The year Eli turned one

Now THAT’S one worth celebrating. Not so much for the infant in question – although he got spoilt rotten – but for the parents. When one’s child reaches the age of one, it is a clear indication that one does, in fact, not suck as a parent and that one has arrived. The fact that I had managed, in my very limited capacity, to give birth to such a beautiful baby boy and that Adam and I have been given the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be his parents, is nothing short of a miracle.


The day after Eli turned one, which was also the day we found out I had miscarried, also turned out to be the day before his planned “Minion Celebration”. Can you imagine the chaos? All I can say about that day is: God, our families and friends carried us. The sun was shining, there was more sweets and delicious food than I had ever seen at our house, everyone who is near and dear to us were right beside us and we gave our boy the best first birthday party he could have hoped for. All in all, I can look back on that day and say “WE ARE LOVED”.

2012: The year of The Body and of Running

A common theme that has been threaded throughout my blogs, has been the love/hate relationship I have with my body. I am proud to say that since August last year, it has mainly been a relationship of love. When my friend Denise and I decided to take on the SHAPE 10km challenge, something inside of me changed. From August to October, I managed to lose 8kg and I felt healthier and fitter than I ever had before. Running longer distances taught me something about myself, about perseverance and about my limits.

And then I came to a crossroad: do I want to run Two Oceans half-marathon (which is happening in March 2013), and put my absolute all into training for this race…or do I want to have another baby? This was something which only I could decide, because as selfish as it sounds, it is my body and I get to choose what I want to do with it. So after praying about it and really just listening to my heart, I made a decision. It all came down to that one question once again: what do I really really want?

The verdict: Eli is getting a baby brother or sister in August, and we couldn’t be more thrilled.

(Two Oceans 2014 – you are marked. I will come for you, I will finish you and I cannot wait).

2012: The year of The Smoothie

When I was pregnant with Eli, I suffered from the most terrible morning/all day sickness for almost 20 months. One of the only things that I could stomach any time of the day or night, was fruit smoothies. Delicious, ice-cold, fruit smoothies. The place which makes some of the most divine smoothies (in my opinion), is Kauai. To say that I was a regular during my pregnancy, is an understatement. I practically kept them in business.

Last year I found that if you are trying to get the kilos off (and keep them there) while trying to up your intake of raw fruit and vegetables, making your own smoothies is one of the best way to do so. Of course, you have to be careful of what you put in them, as you can easily push up the calories without even knowing it. I found what works best, is frozen chunks of seasonal fruit and berries, some diluted fruit juice and sometimes plain, fat free yogurt. I also added some flax seed oil to get a daily dose of omegas in.

There are no rules when it comes to making your own smoothies and the combinations are endless. Here are awesome pins I found on Pinterest on making smoothies, which you can print out, laminate and keep next to your blender:



2012: The year of Pinterest

I am very reluctant to write about Pinterest, just as I am very reluctant to actually go onto Pinterest. You see, for some unknown reason spending only a few seconds on Pinterest makes my days seem shorter. Substantially shorter. And it gives me inspiration. Too much inspiration. And it makes me hungry. Very hungry.

But I love Pinterest and when I do go on, I make sure that I enjoy every second and stay focused (yes, like that is even remotely possible).

If you would like to see what I’ve been pinning, you can find my profile here: http://pinterest.com/marykew/

2012: The year I went blonde

Shock! Horror! I never thought I'd actually move away from the dark side and back to my roots...but after much deliberation, a few blank stares from people who didn't know where our son got his angelic tresses from and gentle hints from Adam, I took the plunge. I went all out blonde.

I'm still not entirely convinced that I love my blonde hair and it has taken some getting used to, but you know what, it's only hair. I can always dye it darker if I want people to take me seriously again. I'm only kidding, sheesh :)


2012: The year of The Novel

I love writing. I think we’ve established that. I’ve always considered myself more of a poet and I started writing poetry at a very young age (we’re talking early teens here, maybe even younger). Poetry helped me to get through those “hectic” teenage years, through break-ups, leaving school, losing myself and then finding myself. It has been my outlet for such a long time – my way of saying what I’m feeling without batting an eyelid because it is, after all, only poetry…I have volume upon volume of poems which I wrote over the years, and reading them from time to times makes me smile. I have come a long way.

Then, in 2009, while having the most amazing time with God in my bedroom, He gave me a vision so real, a dream so big, that it still blows my mind to this very day: I am going to write a book. Don't panic. Details to follow.

And over the past years, I have kept this dream alive – sometimes barely, because it scares me too much – often handling the box labelled “Novel” as one would handle a wet cat in a plastic bag: with gloves on. Cringing. Barely looking.

Then I took the plunge last year – the time was now, God was adamant (but still very gentle) – and I started writing a book. I can honestly say that when I wrote the first few lines of the prologue, I was shaking like a leaf. It was one of the most thrilling, scary, liberating and satisfying experiences of my life.

Although my book is still far from complete, the dream is getting bigger and bigger, blooming like a beautiful flower inside my heart. I can’t wait to finish it (hopefully this year). For me.

And on that note, I want to end off this blog. I have so many goals, ambitions and dreams for 2013. Some of them are already in full swing (I’m a student again, majoring in Creative Writing) and I got a fabulous job opportunity yesterday (starting on Monday). But at the centre of all this, I just want to keep my eyes on The One who makes every day, every week, every month and every year worth living. And this year, I want to live.

We’ll chat again soon (now that I’m back into the swing of things, it seems).

Love,

Maryke

PS: Happy birthday to my beautiful friend, Crez. May your dreams come true this year and may you feel loved beyond measure.